If Cosmo Kramer and Captain Ron were particle-dematerialized on the U.S.S. Enterprise and then rematerialized as one pirate on the mid-Atlantic in the 18thC., you’d have the most famous buccaneer you’ve yet to meet: Captain Maurice Bloodstone, a.k.a. Redbeard.
Kids, I’ve been through a pirate phase or two in my day: from debonair Errol Flynn to bonkers-hot Johnny Depp. It seems pirates remain the bees knee’s, regardless of the generation. Today, you can’t swing a burlap bag of old turtle meat at a pirate festival without hitting one of our faves: Captain Jack Sparrow, Blackbeard, Captain Barbossa, Calico Jack Rackham, Anne Bonny, Mary Read, Captain Hook, Captain Flint and numerous variations on the ghost pirates of Scooby Doo, Spongebob Squarepants and South Park. Yet, happily I have seen an influx of a new pirate: Captain Bloodstone, especially at the California festivals. Why not? He’s affable, distills his own Beach Bum Rum, loathes shoes, sports a bright red beard and offers up an infectious, jovial laugh which makes the wenches swoon and the pillaging and plundering more of an entertainment value than an annoying mess to clean up when he leaves.
Bloodstone is what literary folk call an anti-hero: a sympathetic villain with enough traces of humanity and pathos that we worry about him, pull for him and, despite the fact that’s he’s made some very poor decisions, we hope against poetic justice that he will emerge vanquished, safe and in the arms of a hot chick. His tag line? Me cup is broke and who will fix it?! It never gets old, to him, at any rate.
Armed with bandoliers and scabbards crammed with flintlocks and cutlasses, Cap’t. Bloodstone serves as Blackbeard’s drinking buddy and brother-in-arms on the sandy bars and dunes of North Carlolina’s Outer Banks and The Battle of Ocracoke in 1718. Through the magic of words and fortunate breaks in the time-space continuum, this Kramer of pirates also emerges on a modern-day, sexy and celeb-packed, southern California beach.
Grab your Kindle and meet him, for free!! From March 28, 2012 through April 1, 2012, you can get a free copy of Savannah of Williamsburg: The Trials of Blackbeard and His Pirates via Amazon! While you’re there, check out the author’s, my pally Jennifer Devore’s, other works, including her latest release, the sexy and salacious The Darlings of Orange County, in which Bloodstone makes his contemporary appearance and threatens our very own dear Johnny Depp-cum-Captain Jack Sparrow on the carpet of a fancy schmancy Laguna Beach film premiere.
Blackbeard was joined at his fete by Captain Charles Vane, Captain Robert Deal, Captain Calico Jack Rackham and Captain Maurice Bloodstone, a loner and leader of a crew-of-one, and the only pyrate ever known to escape the Williamsburg gaol, many years now passed. Also present was Blackbeard’s first mate Israel Hands, sometime known to friends as Hezekiah.
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this!” Bloodstone cried. “Life was supposed to be fun! All I wanted to do was drink rum and lie on the beach. What did I do?!” he lamented.
“He escaped from a gaol to start with,” one of Maynard’s crew whispered to a younger sailor, for he remembered the news of his escape vividly.
“Ohhhhh!” he continued. “When I was in that Williamsburg gaol, I sees these little animals. A squirrel, a fancy squirrel came to visit me, but only cringed and shied away from me. Aye, she was a fancy squirrel in a fancy frock. Then one day, out me window, I sees this little cat all dressed up fancy, too. I watched him all the day and he was full of life. He was laughing and joyous and ready for anything, frolicking and fencing all the day long, with a fancy little dog in a fancy little dog coat. Ohhhhhh the fun they were having!”
The crews began to shift their feet restlessly and there was the occasional eye roll, deep sigh or spat overboard in boredom. Maynard and Blackbeard had by now both leaned on their cutlasses and were rolling their necks back and forth. Maynard leaned into Blackbeard and whispered, “One of your men, I presume?” Blackbeard just shrugged.
-excerpt from Savannah of Williamsburg: The Trials of Blackbeard and His Pirates